Skin Crawling

I am so grossed out and frustrated by the food in my body. I can feel it in my stomach. I can feel it making me fat. I am shaking. I want to purge so badly. B is home, so I cannot get away with it. So here I am… stuck with this stomach full of disgusting food.

Rationally, I know I ate a normal portion for a brunch. But I can feeeeeeel it, and it is driving me out of my mind. It is daytime. I cannot get away with the take a walk with a bag trick. I cannot sneak up to the kids’ place and use their bathroom. My son is home.

I hate myself. I hate my disgusting body. I want to scream and cry and throw things. All I can do is be super careful the rest of the day, and then then really restrict tomorrow. I will just focus on making a plan. I can recover from this mess. I just need to get back in control.

 

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1 Comment (+add yours?)

  1. timetosmilesite
    Jun 06, 2016 @ 12:19:35

    Im so sorry for everything that you’re going through and I understand exactly how you’re feeling. I was diagnosed with anorexia and I’ve only just decided to recover. if you need anyone to talk to then honestly don’t be afraid to talk to me or anything. Also if you need any inspiration please look at my recovery story on my blog! https://timetosmilesite.wordpress.com

    Reply

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