Elli’s Path

hope Writing is something that I have always kept very private. I tend to get caught up in the process, and I often get stressed out in the effort to make it all perfect. I am very shy by nature. I have always feared putting my heart into my writing as I do, and having it ripped apart by allowing it to be seen. As a result, I have been trying to get this blog off the ground for quite some time. I have finally made the firm decision that I have a story to tell, and anyone who is not interested, or offended, or whatever… can just not read me.

Turning 40 has been one of the most devastating things for me in my life. I have found myself assessing where I am. and where I want to be. I have seen the distance between the two, and the chasm is vast. It is disheartening. The last few months have been full of a lot of tears and self pity. I know I have so much more inside of me than my present life is reflecting. It is time for me to move beyond the fear and the tears to recreate my life, and live in a way that is congruent with my heart and my values. This journey is what this blog will be about.

My path has been a montage of ideas evolving in my head these last months. I have solidified my veganism. I have re-kindled my meditation practice. I have moved away from the Red Cross (at least for now), and find myself looking at animal oriented work that I can do. I am in school to become a life coach. I will graduate this winter, and I am scared to death. I have gained an enormous amount of weight. Where I used to be extremely underweight with an eating disorder, I now have a completely opposite disorder, and am obese. My health is poor. I need to change.

As you can see, I have my work cut out for me. When I look at that lengthy list, all I can see is that I need to find myself. My posts will consist of bits of all of these things, but when it all comes down, it will be about my process of moving forward and building a life I can love. I am choosing transformation. Another thing that I plan to do is to share some of the resources I find along the way. Perhaps I can help to better the life of another who might be reading.

I am nervous and exhilarated as I release this beginning of my journey into the world. Above all I am happy, as this is my story, and it needs to be told. So now it is time for me to press the button and just let go. And in the spirit of new beginnings, I will be taking that power walk I have been putting off all morning… Welcome to my world.

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Julie H. Stuart

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